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  • Ideal Bedtime Routine to Adapt For Your Baby

    Ideal Bedtime Routine to Adapt For Your Baby

    Are you a new parent and wondering when you’ll be able to sleep like normal person again? Well every new parents go through this and we are here to guide you. It’s no rocket science, just plain simple tips and tricks along with a lot of patience and commitment which can help you achieve a brilliant bedtime routine to sleep train your baby & ensure a proper well rested sleep for your baby’s healthy development.

    In the new born period just hang in there, its more baby led. There really isn’t much we can do in terms of sleep schedule in the new born period. We wait until developmentally about 3 or 4 months, we can start to play our role in setting the sleep schedule for the baby. By now you can read their cues and learn them a baby who is not hungry shouldn’t be force fed, and so a new born might need a feed every two hours as they need those calories however a 4 month old isn’t necessarily hungry. They might wake up multiple times at night but the reasons for that can be for comfort or soothing.

    A consistent sleep routine helps, here are a few steps to achieve your baby’s ideal bedtime routine:-

    1. Set a bedtime  

    Put the baby down to sleep around 8-9 pm at night & let them complete their 10-12 hours of sleep and wake up by 7-8am. Sleep training is one of the best things you can do for your child because no matter what your baby’s sleep will improve so well.

    The first stretch when they fall asleep, the first 3-4 hours it’s important they learn to self soothe and sleep learn to go back to sleep if they wake up. They might play their card and cry it out but that’s okay, let them cry it out & just be there as parents to help them figure it out themselves. Well learn their cues and they’ll learn to get through that first stretch.

    Hopefully by 6-9 months, maybe you’ll achieve that 7-8 hours of magical sleep or if you’re lucky maybe more.

    1. Read to them

    Reading stories to babies is a brilliant way to calm the baby down, settle them in bed and to ignite their imagination as they sleep. It has been proven for ages as a powerful tool to develop communication, for social & emotional development, to improve cognitive skills & improve attention. Reading also greatly helps in relieving anxiety and overall improvement of personality.

    Do not make story reading monotonous for your baby. Keep it so interesting that he looks forward to this kind of bonding with you every day.

    1. Take a bath

    It can be an elaborate hot water bath to calm the baby down & prepare them to relax and sleep. If you feel a bath is not something that suits your baby at least make it a point to wash their face, hands and feet with warm water and then change them into pyjamas.

    This routine helps in habituating the baby to expect bedtime after their night time bath.

    1. Give them a nice massage

    Your night-time baby massage shouldn’t be a long elaborate one. It’s best to use short, gentle strokes, work from baby’s head down to her feet, and try to be quick about it. Use a good moisturiser as a medium for your massage instead of oil as it’ll get better absorbed in the skin through the night and is less messy.

    Here’s a link to buy the baby moisturiser by MyDvija, it’s completely homemade with natural oils and butter which is best for your baby’s skin.  https://testmd.in/product/baby-oil/

      https://testmd.in/product/baby-moisturiser/

    1. Positive affirmations

    This is very important for the baby as well as the mother. As you put your baby to sleep tell them how much you love them, tell them it’s okay to rest now & that you are here if he needs you. Spend a few minutes expressing gratitude for all the blessings god showered upon the family that day. Thank the baby for behaving well, for listening to you, for being the cute self they are & most importantly thank them to have chosen you to be their parent.

    This creates a very positive vibe for the baby to rest in also this habit shall greatly help the baby be more grounded and connected to the parents as they grow up.

    1. Set the ambience right

    Switch off the lights in the room at bedtime, make sure the surroundings aren’t noisy. Make sure the room is not too cold or hot for the baby. Get the blankets out & make the bed for your baby to know that its time to rest now.

    Summary & Tips to get started to set baby sleep routine:-

    1. Be mentally prepared- get in the right mental state to give it whatever it takes to start sleep training your baby only then will you be able to go about it. Make sure you and your partner are both on board about it.
    2. Dedicate a week to the process- dedicate at least 48-72 hours to this process, the longer you can dedicate to this process the better.
    3. Consistency is key- once you put your baby on a nap & sleep schedule, the more consistent you are on your schedule the better your life will be.
    4. Darken the room- the darker the better as babies tend to sleep better and longer in darker environment.
    5. Feed 30 minutes before bedtime in a well lit room to separate perception of bedtime & feeding time.
    6. Have a nightly routine – that prepares the baby mentally to get ready to retire to bed.
    7. Make your husband involved in this process by letting them do the night massage or making them read to the baby.
    8. Make sure your baby’s last daytime nap is 3-4 hours before bedtime.

    We have a beautiful course on sleep training coming up on MyDvija- on 4th september

    Home

    . Follow us on Instagram, Youtube & subscribe to our Newsletter to get the latest updates about it.All the best for your journey with sleep training your little one, always remember there is no right or wrong when it comes to upbringing. You’re doing your best for your baby and that’s all that matters. Do send us questions you have regarding sleep training your little one https://testmd.in/contact-us/ .

    Blog written by: – Dr. Fatema Lokhandwala ( MyDvija Team Member)

    Guided by: – Shreya Shah (Founder @ MyDvija)

  • HOW TO GET STARTED WITH WEIGHT LOSS POST DELIVERY

    HOW TO GET STARTED WITH WEIGHT LOSS POST DELIVERY

    HOW TO GET STARTED WITH WEIGHT LOSS POST DELIVERY

    Motherhood is a beautiful phase no doubt but along with it come the consequences. After the few most magical months of giving birth & welcoming your little one into your life, strikes reality of everything that our body has been through. While we were pregnant putting on weight and being pampered by everyone around is very natural, however this pampering soon turns into body shaming as months pass postpartum and all those extra kilos refuse to budge from our bodies.

    Most woman gain around 10-15kg weight during their course of pregnancy, 5-6kg is called the baby weight that is delivered in the form of the baby, placenta & fluids which is lost in the initial few days of giving birth. The rest of the weight that is scattered throughout the body is the real struggle when it comes to weight loss post pregnancy.

    Losing the pregnancy weight should be a decision the mother solely takes for herself, for her own health & not because of any pressure from the society. It is absolutely okay if the idea of losing weight overwhelms you or if there’s too much on your plate already. However if you do choose to follow these steps & alter your body towards a healthier lifestyle for yourself and your baby we are here to guide you.

    Here are a few important things to know before starting on this journey,

    Don’t validate gaining weight post-delivery. Giving birth is the most natural process that every female goes through and coming back to your pre pregnancy state is the most ideal thing to do. This is totally achievable if you’re aware and alert and not blindly following traditions. Our traditions come from a place where woman did lots of physical activity like grinding, walking, lifting weights & much more, so their diet had to include foods rich in fats & nutrients as they didn’t have any supplements like now. Now continuing with the same type of diet that was prescribed to our ancestors shall not benefit us like it did for them.

    We have changed and so our entire approach towards diet has to change. We have to follow the same pattern of eating 4 times a day with all the nutritious food possible but while being cautious about it. Our stomach area has become loose after delivery and any extra fats that we consume are going to be stored here in this extra space.

    Follow these 5 steps to get started on your weight loss journey:-

    1. Start moving soon:-

    A mother is supposed to be calm, caring compassionate. Your baby is going to need you and you have to be in your right mind to take care of your baby. It is crucial for the mother to start doing basic exercises 3-4 days after delivery in case of vaginal birth & after one month in case of C-section. Remove time to attend to your body before food so that way you’ll dedicatedly remove time for yourself. Basic exercises can be done like stretching, walking, light asana in bed, arm exercises after breast feeding.

    Avoid heavy workouts if exclusively breastfeeding, you can start with basic walking for 30-40 minutes daily & gradually increase the intensity overtime. Don’t restrict yourself to work out every day on a specific time it might get taxing that way. Try to focus on a step goal to be completed anytime throughout the day based on how and when you can remove time.

    If you’re looking for a course to guide you with exercises check out our courses:-

    https://testmd.in/product/strength-exercises-new-mother-english/

    https://testmd.in/product/100-days-weight-loss-challenge-with-mydvija-100-days-weight-loss-challen/

    2. Watch what you’re eating:-

    It is very important to be mindful about everything you eat post-delivery. Our goal should be to fit in nutritiously rich foods and not cross our calorie budgets. Nuts, leafy vegetables, meats, cereals, pulses, dairy and fruits should all be properly included daily in our diet. Including foods that help facilitate milk production can be included. Switch to freshly cooked homemade foods for most meals of the week.

    If you are exclusively breastfeeding there are chances you might feel hungry every few hours, in this case keep healthy snacks handy so don’t end up consuming calorie dense foods that might cause weight gain overtime. Including foods that help in better digestion should also be included after every meal. Avoid foods that have sugar, fried foods, junk food and cold drinks completely.

    If you would like to learn about the right nutrition for yourself here’s a course that can help you, https://testmd.in/courses/nutrition-diet-new-mother-english/

    3. Increase your water intake

    Water is essential to lose weight. But also as breastfeeding mothers we tend to require more water than normal adults. An average of 1 liter per 10kgs of body weight is advisable. You can also have your water in the form of fruits that have a high water content like watermelon, oranges, etc.

    4. Find your support system

    Losing weight can get challenging as time passes and we might need some motivation and encouragement to stay on track. Thus finding a partner to share your weight loss journey with and to let them track your progress will help you stay more committed and produce better results. Joining a well guided exercise class can also be a wise decision if it suits your schedules.

    If you can remove the time here is a course to help you join our community and to guide you through your post-partum journey https://testmd.in/courses/post-partum-care-recovery-english/

    5. Breastfeeding

    Last but not the least, continue exclusive breastfeeding up to 1 year minimum as it’ll indirectly also help you lose more weight. Breastfeeding increases our calorie budget as the extra calories we eat are required for producing the milk for our baby. Eating wisely and keeping a watch on calories while exclusively breastfeeding can prove to lose weight faster. This is a win win situation for mothers as it’ll help your baby grow healthier along with you losing weight.

    Please keep in mind, working out will not reduce the production of milk if started gradually under proper guidance. Fix time to eat food, fix time to move body and eat well. Follow these 3 diligently and you’ll have no issue managing your weight. You can shed weight, whenever you want but the earlier you do it the better.

    Here’s a course we offer to guide you through breastfeeding the right & easy way, https://testmd.in/courses/challenges-faced-during-breast-feeding-solutions-english/

    Summary:-

    Stay motivated and focused on your goals, and you’ll be able to lose weight and keep it off.

    Find a workout buddy.

    This will help keep you accountable and motivated.

    Focus on progress, not perfection.

    Don’t get discouraged if you have occasional setbacks.

    Set realistic goals. Losing weight takes time and patience.

    Reward yourself for your accomplishments.

    Celebrate every victory, no matter how small.

    Stay positive. Believe in yourself and your ability to lose weight.

    Blog written by: – Dr Fatema Lokhandwala (PT) (mydvija team member)

    Guided by: – Shreya Shah (Founder @myDvija )

  • Tips To Loose Baby Weight!!!!

    Tips To Loose Baby Weight!!!!

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    Weight loss top tips

    Top tips to lose baby weight-
    1. Keep your goals realistic
    2. Don’t crash diet
    3. Breastfeed if you are doing it
    4. Monitor what goes inside your stomach…
    5. eat food high in fibre
    6.Stock up healthy proteins
    7. Keep healthy snacks handy
    8. avoid added sugar, refined sugar in daily diet
    9. Avoid highly processed food
    10. Avoid alcohol
    11. get moving
    12. Dont resist to take up strengthening of pelvic floor, core… (that’s must before you start any form of ecercices or weight loss) link to check pre-recorded course with a 6 months access- https://testmd.in/bio-resources/
    13. Drink enough water
    14. Get enough sleep
    15. Seek support
    16. Ask for help

    Always remember carrying some extra weight after pregnancy is very common and nothing to get down on yourself about. your body is recovering from an amazing change.
    But getting back into healthy weight range is beneficial for your future health, being and any future pregnancies…
    SO IT’S DEFINITELY WORTH WORKING AT

    BEING HEALTHY WILL ALOW YOU TI ENJOY TIME WITH YOUR BABY AND GET THE MOST OUT OF BEING NEW MOTHER

    Check the best most achievable healthy  way to lose those extra calories… https://youtu.be/x9rYmZacnto

    inspiring video of a girl loosing 17kg by the time child baby became 1 year-

    Check our upcoming courses, live online batch for fitness, must do post delivery strengthening and registration link here-
    https://testmd.in/bio-resources/[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

  • Suryanamaskar

    Suryanamaskar

    [vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]There is no time for exercise? I am having back pain, is there any medicine to treat it? Without me putting any effort can I refuse this extra kg’s around my belly? My posture seems to be wrong can you correct it?
    An answer to all these question is a big ‘NO’.

    Questioning has to be I want to be healthy, pain-free, fresh all the time, in less time is there a way? A definite answer is ‘YES’.
    Traditionally believed one of the most complete exercise is Suryanamaskar. Even if you don’t know chantings it’s absolutely ok just following right postures and doing 12 suryanamaskar can take care of your basic fitness. It will not take beyond 15 min.

    It takes care of your breathing, core-muscle strengthening, flexibility, stamina and strength etc. Apart from this spiritually they believed if its done early morning it helps you to gather energy for the day from nature.
    Ever you get an opportunity you should learn right postures from a coach, then don’t think just get started. We should gift our body 15min a day so that or 23hours and 45min it can take care of us.

    My life is reflection of initiatives I take and act upon it. Lets go Suryanamaskar There is no time o exercise? I am having back pain, is there any medicine to treat it? Without me putting any effort can I refuse this extra kg’s around my belly? My posture seems to be wrong can you correct it?
    An answer to all these question is a big ‘NO’.

    Questioning has to be I want to be healthy, pain-free, fresh all the,in less time is there a way? A definite answer is ‘YES’.
    Traditionally believed one of the most complete exercise is Suryanamaskar. Even if you don’t know chantings it’s absolutely ok just following right postures and doing 12 suryanamaskar can take care of your basic fitness. It will not take beyond 15 min.

    It takes care of your breathing, core-muscle strengthening, flexibility, stamina and strength etc. Apart from this spiritually hey believed if its done early morning it helps you to gather energy for the day from nature.
    Ever you get an opportunity you should learn right postures from a coach. I’ll then don’t think just get started. We should gift our body 15min a day so that or 23hours and 45min it can take care of us.

    My life is reflection of initiatives I take and act upon it. Lets go ahead.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

  • Bhaag Milkha Bhaag

    Bhaag Milkha Bhaag

    [vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]What an amazing movie, amazing acting, lovely performance, drive, passion, energy, fitness….you mention and all of it is part of this movie. There is one very important word in the title Bhaag ( Run). It’s not about movie it’s about real life. Run everyone run. This can be the way we lead our life.
    There are about a dozen benefits of running
    1. Keeps high energy levels
    2. Gifts deep sleep
    3. Keeps you fresh and more efficient
    4. Keeps weight in control
    5. Keeps mood fresh
    6. Less conflicts and more more positive
    7. More alertness
    8. Bones are stronger
    9. More stamina
    10. Healthy breathing so proper oxygen input and carbon dioxide output
    11. Skin is nourish and have glow
    12. Reduce chances of osteoporosis

    It’s not only for exercise but also for overall health of body and mind. It does have few very basic requirements like, good shoes, a track, willingness and self motivation. It’s time to get started in this wonderful weather around.

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  • Angel’s First Impression Of Our World

    Angel’s First Impression Of Our World

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    Little angels are born with a cry and if they are not crying doctor will see to it that they cry. Reason is simple that first intake of oxygen is so important for little one. My grandmother used to always say,”every human being enter this world crying and gifting happiness to everyone around. Live life in such a way that when you leave this world you go with a smile and peace on face and all others around are crying.”

    Lets explore parenting right from first day of  our little ones entry into this world. Their first impression of our world will be through us. Let them believe its blessing to be born as a human being, they are product of love.

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  • My Pregnancy

    My Pregnancy

    [vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]My pregnancy- My first trimester-
    “Stop being afraid of what can go wrong,

    And start being excited about what could go right.”

    Pregnancy is so much of what this above line says or defines. Most of the pregnant ladies read, Google, talk to friends and relatives and somewhere the focus may shift from what could go wrong to what could go right.
    Let’s not train our mind to think negatively.
    Why am I not having nausea?
    Why my back is not hurting the way normally girls do in initial stages of pregnancy?
    No morning sickness?
    Why to ask questions which will make you think negative.
    Let’s shift our focus and understand. Every pregnancy is different.  Even if you and anyone else is facing or not facing general symptoms in the first trimester, it’s absolutely ok. They can be handled with care, freedom and confidence.
    Let’s focus on what all can go right in first trimester. Can pregnancy be seen utilised and understood as most important phase in child’s development in the womb?

    Follow quick tips to work with child s a team –
    * Doing meditation or practicing non-doing every day
    * Do not introduce yourself to anything new in first trimester
    * To be more connected to nature stay awake in nature around sunrise
    * Treat child as an individual and develop the relationship
    * Read books that inspire you!  eg. Autobiography, mythology etc
    * If you were already doing exercises before conceiving, learn third trimester exercises and do it.
    * Drink loads of water
    Dear all it’s a responsibility to be parent and not a status. Let’s live focusing on what all can go right.

    Keep in mind YOU will be a parent soon!

    www.mydvija.com

    Do visit you tube channel dvija

    Like page www.facebook.com/mydvija[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

  • I See You!

    I See You!

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    Am I doing justice to my kids as a mother?

    Are my kids standing strong compared to other kids?

    When should I actually start working again?

    Should I quit from my work and stay at home to take care of my child?

    What’s the point in feeling guilty everyday when I am back from work?

    As a working mother or even as a homemaker have you entertained few of these questions? Have you slept thinking I could have done better? Or you slept thinking,” no yaar! It’s just not happening right.” Have you felt perplexed?

    I am a dvija mum! Shreya Shah, mother of two kids- 5.5 and 2.5 yr old. I am a founder of Dvija. Even I have gone through few of these questions. I hear most of these questions even from mothers who come to me for counselling.

    Sharing my experience, it might help you.

    I love exploration in parenting which makes me feel beautiful and satisfied as a person first. I can never give what I don’t possess. I have to feel energetic, happy, peaceful, positive and patient to transfer these qualities to my kids. I don’t want to be an instruction manual for them. I want to be a menu card with loads of options available and a bottom line printed in bold,” CUSTOMISED MENU IS AVAILABLE ACCORDING TO CHILD’S NEED.”

    It can be achieved with few simple techniques. You can explore it you are a homemaker or a working mother, it’s for you.

    1. I will filter my thoughts before they come out as words from my mouth. What am I doing to my child when I say this- “Have you lost your mind.””Don’t you understand this much.””Don’t test my patience.” I must think ,’whatever I say, what it’s going to make other person feel’. It’s applicable to every person I interact even to a newborn.
    2. They say kids eat with their eyes, yup! they learn too from their eyes. I read-they read. I get angry when things are not happening my way-they will do the same. I hit when I get frustrated-they will do the same.
    3. Will focus on investing quality time with my kids. They prefer active and involved one hour over 4 hours of uninvolved mother. Just being around is not enough! Lets talk, discuss, play and do masti.
    4. Kids learn more through what they experience and what they feel in your presence.
    5. It’s my responsibility as mother to believe my child will make it very big in life.
    6. Me carrying guilt that my kids are full day at day care and once back home they are involve with gadgets will not help me to find solutions. Rather thinking how can I make evening time super interactive for both of us. eg. we can involve them in cooking, we can get involve in their television time etc.
    7. I will not think I am only weekend parent and compare my parenting time with someone who is available full time around.
    8. Actually they say Together Everyone Achieves More, that makes a team strong. I as a mother will work on being we four as team to celebrate together, achieve together, be naughty together and also pray together. Yes i too love to burst those water bubbles created by my kids and count who bursts more.
    9. Talk to them about my feelings, emotions, failures, success, stress. Find solutions together for balancing things. I am surprised they are awesome team players. Once i asked my 5.5 year old how do you handle if someone does not behave the way you expected?. She said,’ simple mumma, communicate. See I don’t like my school friend Shourya talking and playing with another friend when I am around. So i called for a meeting in short break among my friends and discussed. we could find a solution. With mutual understanding we decided time slots who will play with whom.” I actually laughed at her innocency as I realize what she said is truth communicating with person is the best solution.
    10. After all the experiences- the line is true for every family,”I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”

    When I share my feelings with them even they will share their feelings with me. I as a mother will not live as damsel in distress waiting for someone to rescue me. I will live ecstatic. Whenever I ask my kids on my working day,”what you will do full day.” and they both will scream,”co-operate.”

    when me and my husband say this incomplete line,”we are happy…” and my kids scream,”family.” It brings smile of satisfaction and peace on my face.

    I SEE YOU. I am seeing each one of you as a mother as reflection of me. Let’s see our kids as a reflection of our response to them.

    Let’s outgrow and experience dvija in our life, let’s reborn as a mother.

    -a proud dvija mum!

    Shrrey Shah

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  • I Am  Irreplaceable

    I Am Irreplaceable

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    I AM IRREPLACEABLE

    I am a 31yr old child birth educator.  In a class filled with expecting parents today, one of the first time-around 5months expecting mother just got up to ask, “If this child grows beyond what can fit in my belly, how it will fit inside? How will I deliver the baby?” Seeing heads nodding, felt as if most others had these questions.

    I answered, “Do you believe god is intelligent?” A gentle laughter spread across as they communicated a ‘yes’ through their body language.  ‘As god is intelligent, he plans enough before he gifts you with an angel in the womb. A child for whom your womb is the best place and a perfect place to grow will only enter. The very fact god gave you this child means, he believes you have an ability to deliver and parent this child in right way. That’s why babies come in different size and shape. Each baby is customised separately’ Discussion was over with an exchange of smile around.

    On my way back home after class, those questions kept lingering. In fact it took me to my childhood.

    Why I am me?

    How can I grow in my mother’s tummy?

    How did I fit there?

    How was I born?

    Why am I a girl?

    Why do I look like this?

    Why do I have straight hair?

    As a child, I have asked these questions to my parents. And a standard answer I received from my parents was, “we were praying in the Ganesh temple and asking for a child so lord Ganesha gifted you to us and you were descended from sky and we found you in our arms.” They thought they gave me clarity. Actually at that age it created lot of confusion. In spite of having all these questions in mind I could never ask due to fear of being scolded.

    Every time i pray to lord Ganesha it made me feel he is the one who makes babies sitting somewhere. Still feeling perplexed with questions, like who specified my features? Who specified my gender? Where is his manufacturing unit? I portrayed to be now cleared with my doubts. It’s not that my parents are follower of Ganesha, I think when I asked whichever god came to their mind first they picked up.

    In fact these anecdotes from my life still bring smile on my face. As I grew and studied medical science I understood the science of conception, birth etc. Around my graduation one of the days sitting in the growth class my teacher shared:  You are unique. You are only one of its kind. In the entire history of humanity and future there is no one like you and there will be no one like you.

    “Is it?” my eyes sparkled out of joy. Child within me popped, ‘That means when lord Ganesha designed me, he has kept it in mind that I am irreplaceable. I can be only me.’ I was actually living by outgrowing my childhood but not the child within me. And my science graduated adult mind agreed saying, “each individual is unique as they have individual DNA compositions and combination, even twins will not have same hand print and foot print.”

    Still on the way, by this time I reached half way through? Today I was so happy that my house is 22 km away from classroom where I teach. Today I did not feel too much traffic or that my car is moving slowly. All looks perfect in sync. As I got time to think about myself with a new eye.

    With an ecstatic feeling I hooked on to my thoughts. Then if so much is unique that means god has worked so much to make me as me. Oh! That means I carry a responsibility to live up to beginning of my being. So the very way I live should be so unique. Do I want to live feeling, “Shrreya if you don’t do it we will get it done from someone else or its Shrreya the way you do it, no one will be able to do it”. At hospitals where I take classes, can my seniors say, we are so happy that we got the awesome person to conduct these classes. Can my every student say, ‘You will always have a permanent place in our memories as a teacher who could connect so well?’ God has left his mark within my heart and soul, I will do things in such a way that I leave a mark behind.

    As a parent I understand that my kids are unique in all possible ways. so there is no place for comparison. I will see to it that my kids have inspirations in life to learn from them but not to copy someone to be like someone for recognition, appreciation or just to have approval from society,’you are a good girl’ or  ‘log kya bolenge.’

    so many times I hear this around –

    “See that other friend of yours is such a good girl.”

    ” See that child is so focused, why you cant even sit at one place.”

    “Why being a boy you are crying like a girl.”

    “You should do pooja and prayer everyday so that Dadi will feel happy.”

    “What people will think, you don’t even know how to say a poem.”

    “If you say sorry mumma will give you chocolate.”

    “Don’t roam around in the house without proper cloths, what people will think.”

    I will shift my vocabulary from’,’don’t jump on sofa what guest will think’ to ‘if you jump like this person who created sofa has informed springs might get loose.’If you don’t touch guests feet, they will think you don’t have manners,’ to ‘this is one of the ways to welcome and showing respect to guest that’s been followed in our family.’   I can always explain the reason behind action. If given reason feels genuine to their heart then they will follow things whole heartedly.  Actually I realized I use it in few areas already though not consciously. I never tell my child,’you should wash properly once you are done with potty so that people will feel you are a clean girl,”you should brush properly for others.’ Actually for all day to day habits I keep telling them that it will do good to you.

    My focus will not be to tell them how good or bad the other person will comment about them. I will keep my focus on making them understand you should be best possible you, with believes and clarity about -why I am doing this.. I still remember once my elder daughter Siya asked me with all her innocence at age 4,”why my skin color is dusky like you and not fair like papa. Why relatives say,’ I look like you and not like papa’.” I answered her at that time as,”god loved creating you like this.” As I am writing this I exactly know what to answer,”hey my little one!God was believing that’s best you. you are not like anyone. You are best Siya.”

    Its exactly what my teacher explains- I am a masterpiece, my masters piece.

    I am irreplaceable in every way. As a mother, as a wife, as a professional,as a student and also as a person in gods kingdom, the way I am created, the way I look. So I will see to it that the way I lead my life-play my roles will be irreplaceable. Loving you lord Ganesha for creating me as ME.

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  • Dropping My Paradigm!!!

    Dropping My Paradigm!!!

    [vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As I meet so many mothers and couples who come to me for counseling related to parenting, kids diet, how to get day to day behavior right? I started reflecting in my life and people around me. This blog is my reflection towards knowing ‘why?’ to my questions and getting my paradigm right.

    Paradigm means a framework containing basic assumptions.

    Do I assume on a day to day basis?

    Does it have any impact on my life?

    As I was searching for these answers I came across this story shared by   my friend Rupak.

    Stephen Covey (author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”) has shared an experience he had on a subway in New York.

    I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly — some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.

    The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

    It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more.

    The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

    Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently; I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behaviour; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant.

    I realised it’s so natural to carry pre assumptions or ideas about people around, kids, friends, spouse and kids its basically about thoughts with which I approach a situation or conversation. It can be within myself about me or expressive about others. How quickly we judge others! How quickly we make up our minds about a person! Because of this sometimes we miss out on the reality.

    So true as I observe things around. Swimming is an activity I always loved but never learnt it consistently. Somewhere a pre assumption, “I will not be able to do it.” With this superb thought every time I tried, I failed.

    My elder daughter swims 5-6 days a week. I have been observing her closely.

    Monday-“mumma, my friend Aarav punched me today in my tummy, so I can’t do swimming”

    SHE DID 250 MTR SWIIMING AND CAME OUT.

    Tuesday-“mumma, today I am so excited I am going to do my highest long distance swimming today”.

    YUP! SHE DID 550 MTR OF SWIMMING FOR THE FIRST TIME

    Wednesday- “mumma, I have got a small scratch on my hand, it’s not paining but it hurts when in water. If you want I will swim for you.

    SHE DID 6 ROUNDS 300 MTRS OF SWIMMING WITH LOTS OF EXECUSES AND TEARS

    Thursday- The moment she entered water, her coach excitedly said, “Let’s go for long distance swimming.”

    WHAT A SURPRISE, SHE SURPASSED ALL HER PAST RECORDS, 1200 MTR NONSTOP SWIMMING!

    Friday-“ mumma, let’s go quickly for swimming, I have to go for movie after swimming.”

    NO EXECUSES WHAT SO EVER TODAY AND SHE DID FASTEST WARM UP AND DID SWIMMING WITHOUT ANY NEGOTIATIONS!

    Saturday- “mumma, today is time trails at the swimming pool. I want to give my best timings”

    SHE GAVE HER BEST TIMMINGS TILL DATE FOR 50MTR BACK STROKE.

    So much I am learning from my little one. The mind-set with which she starts an activity could actually determine the outcome of the activity. Also I realised the energy needed to execute the task is generated with the right thinking. So when I get into assumptions I am determining the outcome.

    So is it true what people keep saying it’s a mind game? It’s all within you? End always begins to take shape within your mind? Result is always what I perceived ultimately.

    Yes! I recalled, during my school days, I used to feel super nervous to enter into dark. In fact I would not even go to washroom alone if there is no power. As I grew up some fear for dark was still there but I started seeing beauty in darkness. I realised what nature’s beauty I can cherish in dark I can never see in light. I changed my perception. I am no more scared of standing alone for hours together without light.

    There are times when my father in law will ask my younger daughter to be careful while climbing steps and mostly when he warns she misses it and tumbles. Immediately he will whisper see I told you in advance, you might fall.

    There are moments when my maid looks irritated, disturbed I assume, today she will not do her work properly. Ultimately I will find some flaws in her work.

    So many times I keep observing myself and people around which makes me understand that mind-set completely depends on few factors. These are the things that will decide my thinking pattern about an experience or a person-

    1. Do I like that activity or person? If I ask my daughter Siya at the end of the day to help me in the kitchen, she will immediately remember that her legs are paining and she is too tired. Around same time if her society friend calls her for playing, she is so excited to leave happily, in fact she feels bad if I ask her to return in half an hour.
    2. A push or self-motivation- Am I motivated to go to theatre for movie of my favourite hero at 9.30pm show?”100%”. I need loads of push to keep me awake after 9.30pm if I am attending a distant relatives wedding.
    3. Do I have clarity about where I am heading? One of my good friend, Isha is very consistent with her daughter’s sports activities. She is very firm at times about her daughters schedule based on direction from her coach, even if the child is negotiating. So I asked her what makes you to be so consistent with your daughter. She gave a beautiful answer, “I see my reflection in her. I know what she will feel at the end of doing what she has come here to do. When I see her happy at the end of the day, I feel I have done justice to my role as a mother.”
    4. Do I have any prejudice? A friend of mine is gossipoholic. Even if she calles to share something important, the moment I see her name on screen- I anticipate now gossip will start. Because of this I started avoiding that friend.
    5. Can I be fair, positive and neutral within my thoughts towards myself and others?

    It’s so true with myself also. I remember after my 12th standard exams, I had my entrance exam. I was scoring constantly low in my practice tests. Somewhere mind started believing, “I will not make it this time.” To no surprise I realized I never got a seat for medical as my score was falling short.

    Having right mind-set to begin with is the first step. I realized that either I change my assumptions as per situations or I train my mind to carry right and positive thinking throughout. Yes! Working towards making it a reality is the must step that needs to be followed

    I will be conscious about my assumptions and have my action plan to work with my mind-set.

    • The way I will begin my day,
    • The way I will parent my child,
    • The way I will express love in my marriage
    • The way I will relate to people around me
    • Yes, the way I will live up to my commitments as a professional.

     

    Let’s make small changes that will make BIG difference.

    I will start my day with a belief what my teacher has imbibe within me, “Today I will think a little better than yesterday in all my roles.”

    I will create a paradigm shift of understanding myself and others positively before playing my thinking movie.

     

    Loving you all,

    shrreya

     

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